OkCupid Pick-Up Line of the Week

“If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cutecumber.”

Me: "So, what's the latest age I could have kids?"
Gyno: "Well, 35 to 40 is trendy now!"
Me: "Oh, thank God. I always try to be trendy concerning childbirth."

Malia Gets Danced On By A 22-Year-Old Urban Outfitters Intern

Intern: "You live in Brooklyn? Can you show me around?"
Me: "Sure, I know a great Chuck E. Cheese."

Meeting men in New York is like going thrift shopping. You think, “Is this ugly – or is this cute? I really can’t tell…”