OkCupid Pick-Up Line of the Week

“If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cutecumber.”

My New Pick-Up Line

“So, how do you feel about twosomes?”

Peebiscuit

Me [in line for bathroom at bar]: "I promise I'll pee faster than Seabiscuit."
Male: "Are you seriously trying to flirt with that?"
Me: "I'm not...I...what?!"