Parkway Pick-up by Malia Griggs

Walking home along the parkway, a young man with dreads called out to me.

Guy: “Excuse me! You remind me of someone beautiful! Can I tell you who?" Me: "Who?" Guy: "You.” Me: “Oh, God.” Guy: “And can I tell you that you look amazing in that dress?” Me: “Thank you.” Guy: “No, thank YOU for putting it on. What’s your name?” Me: “Malia.” Guy: “Can I tell you, that reminds of a movie character named Mulan?” Me: “In that, they both start with ’m’ and have an ‘a’ in them?” Guy: “Where are you from?” Me: “South Carolina.” Guy: “And, but, what are you?” Me: “Chinese and Japanese.” Guy: “What! Do you speak the languages?” Me: “Nope.” Guy: “I can say 'konichiwa.’ And in Chinese, I can say 'chicken and broccoli.’ [says it] You know, I love Japanese culture. Know what I love most? Japanese cars. [hokey accent] Hooonda! Mit. Su. BISHI! TOYOTA!” Me: “Uh, are you following me home?” Guy: “No, we’re walking the same way!” [switches walking from my left side to my right side, closer to traffic] Me: “Why did you just do that?” Guy: “Because I believe in chivalry.” Me: “What’s chivalrous about that?” Guy: “No, no, CHIVALRY.” Me: “Chivalrous and chivalry are the same thing.” Guy: “I believe a woman should always be protected from the outside.” Me: “What makes that the outside? Aren’t we already outside?” Guy: “You know, I’ve never thought about it.” Me: “Well, I’m about to go inside. My apartment.”